


stain your sadness a happy blue

by lmanbard



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Gen, Ghostbur Needs a Hug, Ghostbur-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Just hang on, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slight Dissociation, Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Tommyinnit needs a hug, Zoning Out, at this point we all need a hug, blue makes him happy, depressive symptoms, ghostbur angst, ghostbur is best boy, how is that not a tag guys come on, please let the boys be happy, tommyinnit angst, we're getting to the comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmanbard/pseuds/lmanbard
Summary: Ghostbur wants to hug Tommy, but that’s not possible, so he smiles and pokes his brother with blue again instead.“Do you ever feel light blue?”Tommy does not light up with recognition as Ghostbur had hoped he would. Tommy squints at him, which is impressive because his eyes had not been very open even before that, and huffs.“What are youon?” Tommy asks.[._.]Tommy wants to go to sleep. He also wants to not be alone. Ghostbur is helping keep Tommy company, so Tommy will not feel alone. He just wants to know if Tommy ever feels happy like he feels happy, light and blue.He doesn't think Tommy's felt very happy lately. That means Ghostbur is failing at his mission.
Relationships: Ghostbur & TommyInnit, Ghostbur & blue, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 10
Kudos: 141





	stain your sadness a happy blue

**Author's Note:**

> ghostbur's narrative voice feels really childlike, wow
> 
> please someone get a hug for these boys
> 
> tommy's kinda a jerk but he absolutely has reason to be.

“Tommy?” Ghostbur asks one night. He tries to place a hand on his brother’s prone form, but while it doesn’t slip through the blanket like it would pass through Tommy’s actual body, it has no weight. Ghostbur pushes the sting into the back of his mind. He can’t be upset, he’s here for his brother! Besides, he feels light blue right now. That’s the good, bright feeling. 

Sometimes Tommy needs him there to hum and hover near so he can fall asleep, but other nights his brother can’t stand him. Tonight is a night that he’s welcomed--that he’s needed. The thought fills some of Ghostbur’s emptiness. 

But those other nights--they are because Tommy is afraid of him, somehow. Even though they are brothers. Even though Ghostbur would rather evaporate completely than hurt Tommy. Even though the only memories Ghostbur has of them are golden and bubble with sunshine. 

It is not the same for Tommy. Tommy has memories of Wilbur hurting him. Given the way that his younger brother’s eyes always shutter a little around him, maybe that’s even most of his memories. That thought makes Ghostbur want to shrink into himself. 

How could Alivebur, Wilbur, ever do that? 

Ghostbur feels his spirit-border shrink two inches. 

At first, Ghostbur was sure that Wilbur had everyone’s best interests in mind. That somehow, everything Alivebur did was to protect everyone, even if he had some questionable methods. (The other him did something really bad, Ghostbur knows. Something that hurt everyone, that tore at their very spirits, and he knows that he’s been told what it was several times. He just… can’t remember. 

Ghostbur prefers not to remember.)

But more and more, he feels their fear when people look at him. Niki smiles, at least, but she turns away fast to head back to her bakery. When Ghostbur follows, she hurries faster, and doesn’t look at him. 

Fundy doesn’t look at him either. And when his son does, the raw wound in his gaze makes Ghostbur want to stuff blue into Fundy’s inventory, bury his son in blue, until all the sadness and pain drains away. No one could stay sad with the mesmerizing color of blue to stare into! You just stare and cuddle the blue and drift away to a light place, then drift back when you’re ready. 

Blue is the gateway to a spirit’s happy place. Ghostbur just hasn’t given everyone enough yet. Once they have enough blue, they can have a happy place too.

“Either say what you’re gonna say, big man, or screw off. I don’t think you understand this, but some of us actually need sleep.” 

Right. Ghostbur lets time slip through his mind because otherwise every second feels like an eternity, and then alone with his thoughts, he remembers all the emptiness that he has to bury in the back of his consciousness. 

But others don’t have that. The others all have things that eat up their time, tasks to be accomplished, people to hang out with that actually make them happy without trying as hard as Ghostbur has to. They can sleep the emptiness away. 

That’s… that’s really good for them! It makes Ghostbur happy, actually, because that’s part of his mission. To make sure that everyone’s happy, like he usually is, like his alive-self didn’t do right. 

Anyway, he was gonna ask Tommy a question before he started thinking about negative things! Bad Ghostbur, he can’t think about Alivebur or the emptiness while around other people. He has Tommy to take care of, and he can’t do that while wrapped up in his own head, distracted with feelings he shouldn’t be feeling!

He can’t quite remember what he wanted to ask about before, but that’s okay. Ghostbur always has a lot of questions. He’ll come up with one real quick. 

Blue. Feelings. He wants to ask about the blue feeling. 

“Do you ever feel light blue?” Ghostbur asks, staring into Tommy’s half-closed eyes. The skin under his eyes is puffed, wrinkled, and a bruised purple. That’s not good, but Ghostbur’s stopped mentioning it. Tommy always gets sad then angry and then brushes it away. Ghostbur is just happy that Tommy’s going to sleep. There was a string of nights last week where he didn’t sleep at all, just shivered in bed for hours til the sun rose. He cried a lot. Tommy wouldn’t let Ghostbur sit next to him, even, so Ghostbur had to listen from the outside of the tent. Even if Tommy said he wanted to be alone, Ghostbur knew Tommy didn’t really want to be alone, so Ghostbur didn’t leave. Even though Tommy said to very loudly. Ghostbur wouldn’t abandon Tommy to the black void of sadness that Ghostbur knows only too well.

And worst of all, he snapped and shouted at Ghostbur when he tried to give Tommy blue. Ghostbur knows that Tommy would prefer hugs--that he _needs_ hugs, even, because he used to touch other people a _lot_ and now he’s getting none of that comfortable, familiar touch--but Ghostbur can’t. His spirit passes straight through other people. 

So he gives Tommy blue. But Tommy didn’t want any, those string of nights last week, and he yelled loud and brash and told Ghostbur to get out of his life--he’d ruined it, after all. Ghostbur thinks that’s a little unfair, but knows that the other him did not do nice things. He pushes back the sting and the grey that he feels at Tommy’s words--even now, just remembering them. 

Because he saw Tommy’s tears, no matter how hard his little brother tried to hide them, and he knows that Tommy is just lashing out in hurt. He doesn’t like other people to see his sad or his pain, because he’s not supposed to be sad or in pain. Tommy likes to pretend he doesn’t have those feelings. Ghostbur understands. Ghostbur understands all too well, actually, but it’s also his mission to help push the sadness and pain back, and it makes Ghostbur feel very, very small to not help. Smaller than he usually does.

But not right now! There is blue in his hand, and he scratches the wool against his spirit-border. He can’t be sad with blue, it’s not possible. Plus, Tommy wants his presence tonight! When Tommy does want him to help on nights like tonight he feels really happy and light! It is a floating feeling and it always soothes him. That’s why he calls it blue. He feels light blue right now, even! 

And he wants to know if Tommy feels it like that too. 

“Tommy?” Ghostbur asks, refocusing into the world so that he can actually see his brother’s face instead of looking straight through and only seeing his own thoughts. Tommy’s eyes are cracked the barest amount, and drool dribbles out of the left side of his mouth. Ghostbur wipes it away with his wool. 

“Wha?” Tommy mumbles, his eyes blinking blearily. He is very tired. It would be obvious to anyone, but Ghostbur knows that Tommy is _extra_ tired, because he only got two hours of sleep last night. Plus Tommy has been mining very diligently for weeks, ever since he went away on vacation. Ghostbur wants to hug him, but that’s not possible, so he smiles and pokes his brother with blue again instead. 

“Do you ever feel light blue?” 

Tommy does not light up with recognition as Ghostbur had hoped he would. Tommy squints at him, which is impressive because his eyes had not been very open even before that, and huffs. He goes quiet for a bit even though his mouth moves. 

“What are you _on_?” Tommy asks, and that’s his irritated voice. Ghostbur has messed up. What did he do? How does he fix it? “It’s like two AM!" 

Ghostbur nods. Maybe if Tommy just answers his question, then he can stop thinking so much and Tommy can go back to sleep and everything will be fine again! "Do you feel blue?" 

Tommy squints even more. Ghostbur is _really_ impressed. "Notch, I thought getting high was Wilbur’s thing! Congrats on finally figuring out how to get high from blue, I guess. Now let me _sleep_.” 

“Okay,” Ghostbur says, pulling back. It’s not like his presence is warm, so Tommy probably won’t miss his closeness. Considering Tommy’s directive to leave him alone, he definitely won’t. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, be _quiet,_ ” Tommy groans. 

Ghostbur nods, even though Tommy can’t see. He whispers “I’m sorry,” in his head instead. 

Ghostbur clutches onto the blue even as he feels very small and very empty and very alone again. But he can’t go and calm himself by staring into the lanterns and navy sky yet, because Tommy needs him here. He pushes the blue wool hard into the border of his right arm and the line between his spirit and the surrounding air feels a little more solid. He lessens the pressure, feels a little of his spirit blend with the air once more, recognizes the difference in his thoughts as their edges turn more transparent again. 

He presses the blue back into his border. 

**Author's Note:**

> wow i made myself incredibly sad while writing this. let's all weep together lads
> 
> i rly just. love ghostbur with my entire heart & soul. but there's no way that he's happy all the time, not with how he shuts down when anything sad is mentioned. so he's happy a lot of the time, or what he thinks is happy. this is one of those nights where he can't push away the doubts & sadness. 
> 
> don't worry, comfort is coming! 
> 
> comments are the nectar of the gods <3 i will gladly collect your tears


End file.
